Shared Roles: How to Get Involved Equally in Surrogacy

The journey to parenthood through surrogacy is an extraordinary one, but it has a unique aspect: the pregnancy does not occur in either of your bodies. Since there are no direct physical symptoms (like midnight kicks or firsthand hormonal changes), it’s completely normal for a doubt to arise in the couple: How can we ensure we are experiencing this process with the same intensity and connection?

Sometimes, unintentionally, one partner ends up taking on the role of "project coordinator" (reviewing contracts, scheduling appointments at Fertility Dreams, or talking with the manager), while the other may feel a bit on the sidelines, like a spectator.

It’s time to change that mindset! Surrogacy is a team sport. Here are practical ideas for both of you to get involved 100% and strengthen your bond while waiting for your baby.

1. Divide the "behind-the-scenes work"

A surrogacy process has significant administrative and medical components. To avoid one of you becoming overwhelmed (and the other disconnecting), divide the tasks according to your strengths:

• The logistics guardian: One can handle direct contact with the lawyers, document review, and payments.
• The wellness guardian: The other can lead communication with the clinic for medical reports, prepare details for the manager (like a thank-you gift), or coordinate baby purchases.

Team tip: Have a weekly "status meeting" for 15 minutes over coffee. This way, both of you stay informed without needing to be glued to your phones all day.

2. Experience appointments at Fertility Dreams together

Physical distance or work commitments can sometimes complicate things, but make ultrasounds and medical milestones a sacred event for both of you.

If work allows, attend together (either in person at our clinic in Bogotá or via video call if you’re far away). Getting involved means that both of you ask questions to the specialist. Don’t let just one person speak; prepare a list of questions together the night before.

3. Create "reality anchors" at home

When the pregnancy isn’t visibly present at home, make it known in creative ways. Design daily or weekly rituals that remind you that you are already on the path to becoming parents:

• The process album: Print the ultrasounds we send you and create a physical album together. Write notes next to each photo.
• The baby playlist: Choose songs you would like your child to hear when they are born and listen to them while cooking or relaxing.
• The nesting corner: Don’t wait until the last month to set up the room. Painting a wall together or choosing the crib will connect you directly with the future you are building.

4. Prepare together for the "Birth Day"

The moment of delivery in Bogotá will be a whirlwind of emotions. From now on, define how you want to experience that moment as a couple:

• Who will hold the baby first for skin-to-skin contact?
• How will you support each other if nerves get the best of you in the waiting room?
• What tasks will each of you have at the clinic as soon as the baby is born?

Discussing these scenarios will make you feel like absolute co-creators of that magical moment.

A heartfelt reminder...

There is no "right" or "perfect" way to feel about surrogacy. If one of you feels a bit disconnected at any stage, don’t blame yourselves. Speak honestly, lean on the psychological team at Fertility Dreams, and remember that love and parenthood are not measured by physical symptoms, but by the deep desire and commitment with which you are waiting for your baby.

You are doing this together, and you are doing great!